i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
We are all done wearing pants today
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
