So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
