hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
