I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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