Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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