I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
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I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
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Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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