she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
