When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
