Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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