We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
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