mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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