i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I party with great urgency now.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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