Someone shit on the floor
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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