this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
