Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
