you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
