That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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