My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
