the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize