I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
