Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
