No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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