I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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