I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
