goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
True strength comes from lack of pants
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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