remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize