We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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