I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
