i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
