i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I have grass duct taped all over my body
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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