in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
