who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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