I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
