I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize