I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
