You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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