who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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