I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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