Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
