Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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