WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
