things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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