I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
so much tequila, so little girl.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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