tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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