Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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