I think I just saw someone hide a body.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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