spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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