There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
