I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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