this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Couch. On fire.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
