Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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