honey bunches of taint.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
So many bounce houses so little time
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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