life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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