there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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