Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
