The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
