Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
