Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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