Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Randomize
