I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
