I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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