whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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