i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Randomize
