i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just blew my weed a kiss
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
