i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
a search helicopter?!
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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