Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
