upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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