Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
