We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
