somebody snuck up and got me drunk
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize
