can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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